Saiyuki (Sanzo/Goku)

[guiltyred.livejournal.com]

Title: Throwing Fire at the Sun

Author/Artist: GuiltyRed

Beta: YohjiDeranged 

Rating: G

Warnings: none

Word count: 258

Summary: The monk is falling.

Prompt: July 2 – #54. Saiyuki, Sanzo/Goku: Insatiable hunger (preferably on Sanzo's part) - "Throwing fire at the sun."

A/N: Title lifted from the prompt.  ^__^

 

 

 

Attached to nothing, bound by nothing, I shall live life for the sake of life itself.

 

So why can’t I get him out of my heart?

 

I couldn’t pry him loose with a crowbar now, even if I wanted to. He’s gotten in too close. My dreams show me his face, his form, those eyes like the sun itself full of heat and light and life, and I dread waking.

 

I thought I’d learned my lesson long ago, when I lost that which was most important to me. I thought I’d vowed to never again love someone so deeply that their loss would destroy me.

 

I thought I’d done my part by freeing him, but apparently that was just the beginning of it.

 

No matter how the one leers and taunts or the other smiles and offers sympathy, I find a monkey in my thoughts.

 

Golden eyes laugh as if he knows.

 

Maybe if I try to fill myself with him, wallow in him, drown in him, I can surpass this longing and be done with it. It’s not unheard of, after all. The path to enlightenment can take many forms.

 

Hell, who am I kidding? I’m not in this for the enlightenment.

 

I want him.

 

To have him would compromise everything I am.

 

I could try to quench my thirst in him, to satisfy this hunger that gnaws at me more each day, but somehow I know that one taste of him would be as effective as trying to extinguish the sun by throwing fire at it.

 

Comments

[raisedbymoogles.livejournal.com]

Ooh, wow. That's Sanzo's voice all right. *fans self*

[ladyofshadow.livejournal.com]

I love this line:

I could try to quench my thirst in him, to satisfy this hunger that gnaws at me more each day, but somehow I know that one taste of him would be as effective as trying to extinguish the sun by throwing fire at it.

I also like the part leading up to this line where Sanzo trys to deal with the issue, wondering if it's another form of the path to enlightenment, but then realizes that he wants him.

[toxictattoo.livejournal.com]

Waaaah. That's so bittersweet and poignant. I love Sanzo's voice. I can hear him clearly.

[orvida.livejournal.com]

yes that is so true sanzo just needs to follow his heart and take a chance to love goku. just ride this feelin of love in his heart all the way to heaven or hell goku would be with him every step of the way and he (sanzo) knows that he would no questions asked.

[guiltyred.livejournal.com]

Thanks! *offers you some nice, cool, lemonade* ~_^

[guiltyred.livejournal.com]

They're like two magnets, pulling each other (when they're not pushing away, that is).

[guiltyred.livejournal.com]

Thank you! He's so pensive and closed, yet easy to see through, isn't he?

[guiltyred.livejournal.com]

Amen. ^__^

[gen50.livejournal.com]

one hears sanzo, his fears, and his hopes, and wants
and how he thinks they clash somehow
when it isnt true

thank you for writing -and sharing - this

[guiltyred.livejournal.com]

You're so very welcome. ^__^