Intelligence [Black Jack/House, Dr. Black Jack/Dr. House, T]

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

Title: Intelligence
Author: rosehiptea
Rating: T
Warnings: None
Word Count: 2,123
Prompt: July 3rd -- Crossover: Black Jack/House, Black Jack/House: intellect as a turn-on - This guy was violating the natural order of things, but House had never been so turned on by anything in his life.
Summary: House suddenly has competition as the doctor known for impossible saves.
Notes: Thank you to anglerfish07 for beta work. Any mistakes are my own. I picture this taking place somewhere in Season 6, but way before the finale and at a time when House isn't living with Wilson.




House first saw the man sitting on a bench in the hallway near Cuddy's office. He looked Japanese to House, but that wasn't the first thing he noticed. The man, who appeared to be about House's own age, was wearing a long black cape. He had what was clearly a skin transplant on his face, one from a person with a different color of skin. Half the man's hair was white and half black. Not a "salt and pepper" look, but a "bad dye job" look. If it had been Halloween, House reflected, the guy would fit right in.

He pushed open the door to Cuddy's office. "What's up with the Phantom of the Opera out there? Does he want us to do something about his face? Because trust me, it's too late."

"No," said Cuddy with a sigh. "He's a doctor. The Takahashi family called him in."

"So, who the hell are they?" he asked.

"They have a son with a spinal tumor," Cuddy said.

"And this guy doesn't agree with our diagnosis?" asked House with a raised eyebrow.

"Actually I have no idea. But I want you to look at the case. If I have my best doctor on it they might trust us more."

"They flew him out here from Japan?"

Cuddy nodded. "How come you're not arguing with me over taking the case?" she asked curiously.

"Because it shouldn't take more than five minutes if the diagnosis is done already. And I want to find out what this freak's deal is."

"Fair enough. I don't care as long as the family is satisfied," she replied.

"How come you're not telling me to try to be polite to him?" House asked.

"Would it do any good if I did?"

He grinned. "No."

She shoved a folder across the table and House picked it up. He leafed through it briefly, and then walked straight to the bench the man was sitting on.

"So, you're a doctor?" House asked.

"Yes," the man answered. "My name is Black Jack."

He seemed to think that would mean something to House. It didn't.

"Well, I guess it's better than being named 'Stud Poker.' Though then again that would be a pretty good name if you were a porn star."

Black Jack just stared at him.

House switched to Japanese. He had learned the language while living in Japan with his family, and still had a good command over it. "What's your real name?" he asked.

"Kazama Kuroo," the man said, looking surprised to hear his native language from an American doctor.

That only meant something similar to "Black Jack", and didn't sound like a real name either.

"I'm Dr. Gregory House," House said finally. There was no flicker of recognition from Black Jack. "What happened to your face?" House asked.

The man shot him a dirty look. "I stumbled upon a live bomb when I was on the beach as a child. I had skin transplanted on various parts of my body." He gestured to his chest.

"Well for God's sake don't show me," House said.

"What happened to your leg?" Black Jack asked, pointing to House's cane.

"It was a tragic submarine accident."

Black Jack said nothing.

"In America, we call that a joke," House said.

"In Japan, jokes are funny," Black Jack retorted.

"How would you end up finding a bomb?" House persisted.

"You may not be aware of this, but our two countries were once at war," Black Jack said.

House laughed.

"Is that John Takahashi's file you're holding?" Black Jack asked, switching back to English.

"Yes," said House. "I've looked through it, and I can already tell you it's really a spinal tumor."

"Of course it's really a spinal tumor! The family demanded a copy of their son's file for me to read. What I want to know is why your surgeons are insisting it's inoperable."

House opened the file, pulling out an image. "It's right against the spinal cord. There's no way to operate on it without paralyzing the kid for life."

"He's going to be paralyzed for life anyway, or worse, if no one does anything. I could take out that tumor."

"Are you joking?" House asked.

"I am a surgeon," replied Black Jack.

"You're not even licensed to practice medicine in the United States," House replied.

"I'm not licensed to practice medicine in Japan either, but I've saved many lives after other doctors gave up."

"You're not licensed in Japan? What kind of a nutball are you? Did you even go to medical school?"

"Of course I did. Do you want my transcripts? I had the best of teachers. But I don't like to play politics, so I never took my license."

House wasn't sure he believed this guy had ever been a doctor in the first place. But he could sympathize with not wanting to kiss anybody's ass to stay ahead in the medical field.

"Anyway, they would limit the fees I could charge," Black Jack said.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm charging the Takahashis fifty million yen."

After doing a quick mental calculation, House whistled through his teeth. "And they think you're worth that?"

"Compared to this place?"

House laughed. "At least you're not a do-gooder."

"I am very far from being a do-gooder, Dr. House. But I can remove that tumor."

"Not in this hospital you can't," House replied. He loved bending rules. Hell, he loved breaking them. But even if he believed this guy was a great surgeon, which he absolutely did not, there was no way he could help an unlicensed doctor perform surgery at Princeton-Plainsboro. That was simple self-preservation.

Black Jack stood up. "I'm going back to John Takahashi's room. I realize you won't listen to me, and I'm sure your boss won't either, but the family will."

"Who the hell are you, anyway?" he asked the man's retreating back, but Black Jack didn't turn around.

House spent half an hour reading the file, and then headed off to the patient's room himself. John Takahashi was a boy of around six, asleep in the room's bed. The father was a sharp-featured young man who looked barely old enough to have a son that age. The mother, who looked even younger, had waist-length black hair and a round face. She seemed to be talking in intense whispers to Dr. Black Jack.

House entered the room, leaning heavily on his cane for effect. "So, you brought in an unlicensed doctor to heal your son?" he said.

The mother looked up sharply. "You're Dr. House. Dr. Black Jack told us about you."

"So where did you find him in the first place?" House asked. "Japanese yellow pages?"

"He is very famous in Japan for curing impossible cases," the father said. "My father, who lives in Tokyo, contacted him for us."

House was used to people being desperate for his medical attention. He was the one who was famous for making impossible saves. It was like an upset in the natural order of things.

"If you won't let Dr. Black Jack operate on our son, then we are taking him out of your hospital."

"I'm not going to lie to you," House said, in Japanese. "Your best hope is to keep him here for radiation therapy and steroids."

Both parents looked surprised to hear him speak in Japanese, but they still shook their heads.

"Where does this guy's big reputation even come from?" House asked. "He can't even work in a regular hospital."

"From the many people he has cured," the mother said. "Everyone knows who Dr. Black Jack is. I'm surprised you don't know of him yourself. The only problem is how to afford his fees."

Black Jack looked up. "You don't believe me, Dr. House, but what you don't understand is that I don't care."

Beside Mr. Takahashi, his son began to stir.

"Please leave," the mother said. House took one final look at Dr. Black Jack and left the room.

A couple of hours later House was back in Cuddy's office. The administrator was furious. "They took their son out of the hospital against our advice, because this Black Jack person told them to."

"And you really thought I would be the right one to convince them not to?"

"You just wanted to get in a pissing contest with that Japanese doctor, didn't you?" Cuddy said.

"Like I really have to worry about a fraud like him."

"Yet the parents seem to trust him over us."

He shrugged. "They probably want last-minute salvation. Nothing we haven't seen before."

"But usually they come to you," Cuddy pointed out.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She shook her head. "Nothing really."

You think I'm jealous of Dr. Creepfest?" House persisted.

"I'm sure you have nothing to be jealous of."

"Don't patronize me," he muttered.

"I wonder what they're going to do," mused Cuddy. "They're not going to find any hospital that will let an unlicensed doctor operate."

"Well, if he's so famous for saving--" House broke off. "Where do they live?"

"What do you want to know that for?"

House looked through the file until he found the family's address. Without a word he left Cuddy's office. He went to the parking lot as fast as he could and mounted his motorcycle. It took an hour to get there, and he was certain of what he was going to find when he arrived. When he reached the house, he walked through the front door without knocking. Inside he saw what he expected: Dr. Black Jack was operating on John Takahashi.

But the scene was not exactly what he had pictured. He had thought of Black Jack butchering John Takahashi in his bed. But he was on a real operating table, with the surroundings covered in surgical drapes. And Dr. Black Jack had nearly all the equipment he would have had in an operating room at Princeton Plainsboro: John Takahashi's vitals were being monitored, and Black Jack seemed to be using a laser scalpel.

"I'm almost finished, Dr. House," Black Jack said without looking up.

House stopped in his tracks. Whatever horrible mistakes Black Jack was making, he would only make things worse if he barged in now and tried to stop him.

Dr. Black Jack switched instruments. "I drilled though the bone to expose the spinal cord and peeled away layers of it to get to the tumor. Now I'm using an ultrasonic device to dissolve the tumor," he said.

House raised his eyebrows. That strategy might work if the surgeon was truly talented, but it was taking a terrible risk.

"Where the hell did you get all this equipment?" House asked.

"Some of it I brought with me," Black Jack said. "The rest was loaned to me by doctors here in the U.S. who owe me favors. I'd rather have a complete operating theater, but I'm used to doing surgery in adverse conditions."

"You have connections in the U.S.?" House asked.

"I have connections all over the world," Black Jack replied.

"The kid is probably paralyzed already right now," House muttered. "If he is, you owe me a beer."

Black Jack only laughed. "A beer? I'm making fifty million yen here and all you want is a beer?"

"Fine, two beers," House said.

Half an hour later, John Takahashi was already moving his arms and legs. Two hours later, House and Black Jack were ensconced in the nearest bar, having moved on to liquor from beer and well on the road to drunkenness.

"You know, when the parents told you they couldn't pay you right away, you didn't even blink," House said.

"Did you see that tiny house? They'll never be able to afford that kind of money."

"So you are a do-gooder."

"You've never done anything just to help someone?"

"Never."

Black Jack raised his eyebrows. "If you say so."

After three hours they were on to bragging. "So what's the most challenging case you've ever had?" House asked.

Black Jack shook his head. "Too many to pick just one. Though I did once perform surgery on myself while being stalked by dingoes in the Australian outback."

"I'm so drunk I almost believe you." House put his drink down. It wasn't often that anyone topped him at bragging.

After four hours House finally asked, "So... do you want to see my apartment?"

"Am I much too drunk, or are you asking me what I think you're asking me?"

"Both. Intelligence is sexy," House replied.

"It is."

"So is that a yes?"

"Why not?" Black Jack replied. "Well, I can think of all too many reasons why not, but ... I'm still going with you."

House grinned, and the two left the bar together.







Note: While I did do research before writing, the surgery described actually takes a lot longer and requires a team of neurologists to monitor the patient. And I'm sure that's not even the worst of the problems of trying to do it in a living room. However, despite the fact that Osamu Tezuka completed medical school himself his approach to medicine in Black Jack crosses the line into the completely fantastic, so I decided it was all right to take a few liberties.