I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOUR DOUJIN!!!! Seriously, I have NEVER seen a doujin of them, and I've been writing them for four years now! XD
Anyway, this was really fun, although I couldn't really imagine Gippal being so wibbly and uncertain and crying, but if you're writing it to fit images, that's acceptable. ;) I like an empowered Baralai like the one you write here, since so many write him as the wibbly uncertain weak one.
Two tiny nitpicks: 1.) You refer to Gippal's "eyes" in the first part. I know it's weird to just say "eye", so I try to write around saying anything about it at all. Instead of "He closed his eyes", just "He slipped into sleep", or something. 2.) At one point you have Gippal musing on how he feels younger than Baralai. Gippal IS younger than Baralai, by two years... and at 18 and 20, two years is a BIG difference (moreso than, for example, 30 and 32). And also, at least in what little you see of them in the game when they're not hunched over or at weird distances or something, it looks like Baralai is actually taller and stronger than Gippal, who is kind of short and wiry. XD So your feeling that Baralai seems taller and bigger is spot on, because he is. ^^ Was that influenced by the doujinshi too? I know the artists tend to play with height a bit.
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Anyway, this was really fun, although I couldn't really imagine Gippal being so wibbly and uncertain and crying, but if you're writing it to fit images, that's acceptable. ;) I like an empowered Baralai like the one you write here, since so many write him as the wibbly uncertain weak one.
Two tiny nitpicks: 1.) You refer to Gippal's "eyes" in the first part. I know it's weird to just say "eye", so I try to write around saying anything about it at all. Instead of "He closed his eyes", just "He slipped into sleep", or something. 2.) At one point you have Gippal musing on how he feels younger than Baralai. Gippal IS younger than Baralai, by two years... and at 18 and 20, two years is a BIG difference (moreso than, for example, 30 and 32). And also, at least in what little you see of them in the game when they're not hunched over or at weird distances or something, it looks like Baralai is actually taller and stronger than Gippal, who is kind of short and wiry. XD So your feeling that Baralai seems taller and bigger is spot on, because he is. ^^ Was that influenced by the doujinshi too? I know the artists tend to play with height a bit.