That was great - vivid and intense. I thought you captured the characters really well too - Toki's sudden embarrassment at Kubota's endearments and Kubota's possessiveness. The awkward closeness between them was perfectly done, IMO.
You have lots of lovely lines too but I'll pick this one out as my favourite: He watched as dark eyes went darker, the tiny specks of gold turning coppery at the moment of contact.
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Date: 2009-06-10 02:43 pm (UTC)You have lots of lovely lines too but I'll pick this one out as my favourite: He watched as dark eyes went darker, the tiny specks of gold turning coppery at the moment of contact.