kinkfest | Mask of Illusion [Suikoden III – Luc/Sarah, PG-13] (Reply)

Title: Mask of Illusion
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2,584
Warnings: Suikoden III ending and IV spoilers
Prompt: 27 – Suikoden III – Luc/Sarah – unrequited love – “I can only watch and wait and do my best.”
Summary: They say your life flashed before your eyes before your untimely demise, and it was true for Sarah.
Note: So sorry that it's late!

They say your life flashed before your eyes before your untimely demise.

To me, it did occur. Now, as I embraced my master’s body against mine, feeling his warmth slipping away from my fingers. I remembered how he used to hold me like this once. I was born in a village so small that it has no name, and with power of sorcery so rare that it’s unheard of. The other villagers treat me like a plague, called me ‘witch’ and tried their best to keep me out of their sight. I had forgotten the pebbles they hurled or the insults they spurt out when I reached the capital of Holy Harmonia. I left my hometown for a reason unknown to myself at first, clutching my fingernails to a strangers’ gloved hands. But after a few months within the holy walls of Crystal Valley, I finally grasped at the idea after the priests and bishops had slipped out the facts in their idle morning chatters over cups of coffee, conveniently forgetting that I’ve finally aged enough to understand the meaning of ‘utilize’.

My parents had sold me to the temple, in return for a few potches to feed themselves. Hungry, cold and ashamed by their own flesh and blood, I couldn’t blame them – the peasants at the village have been too terrified at me that they started shunning my parents as well. They could have skin and cook me alive have I had more flesh than just bones and skin.

The priests often praised of how precious and rare my talent is, not forgetting to drop hints of how good I am for a girl that keep listening to them and fulfilled my responsibilities. Once in a while, a priest stopped by to pat my head. Sometimes, they showered me with books of lore and enchantment, and I would throw the hard covers to the walls of my room, hoping they would leave a noticeable dent on the perfect; white painted bricks and finally let me go back to my family. This time, they’d probably boil me in the fresh water taken from the spring, and had more fat to consume and survive the winter with a bit of luck.

But the books kept on coming next spring, and at summer scrolls of rune spells had practically covered my entire bed room floor. The paper screeched and ripped every time I stepped on them, because the humidity of Crystal Palace was at its peak then, and when I turned over the palms of my feet to see, runic spells were printed on them. At day light, I would rephrase spells and chanted lost incantations, and at nightfall, I shivered alone at the corner of my oversized bedroom, and sometimes pounded at the door until my fists bleed and bruised. The morning after the maid would bring over an extra roll of bandage, and breakfast big enough for two adults’ portion, even though I never have the appetite to even finish a child’s menu. I bawled with unanswered cries of help, knowing that I’ve failed my parents.

One day, I conjured the teleportation spell learned from a scroll one priest accidentally dropped on my room, and got as far as the gates of Holy Temple, leaving spells in Ancient Syndarin on accentuated granite floor in shape of my foot prints.

The priests placed an anti-teleportation seal around my door the day after the guards ushered me back to the temple with a strained ankle, and cleaned my room from the spell tomes and magic scrolls. They sealed off the only window, and I could only feel my way in the darkness by tracing my fingertips on never ending walls and an unopened doorknob, counting the days only by the amount of meal they slipped in through the small flap under the door. It could have been day when it’s actually night. During that period, all sorts of imagination went through my mind, of how to get back to my mother or getting back at the priest.

My skin grew fairer each day because of the imprisonment, and I virtually believed that I’ll never see the light of day anymore.

All because of I’m a ‘gifted’ child. I could slip through that flap and maybe got farther than the gate this time.

Maybe I can bite my wrists and let the blood stain the wall, leaving a spell that would activate the moment somebody opened the door to clean up my body.

Or maybe not.

When I’ve finally lost count of the meals, he came. The man emerged from the door that haven’t been opened for weeks that the smallest creak it made bring tears of pain to my eyes, and stepped out of the blinding light. The first thing I saw when he crouched down was a hand, gloved in brown leather that smelled like the mixture of forest pine and mountain breeze. It almost smelled like my mother.

The first time I laid my eyes on him I have no idea who he was, my sight was temporarily lost by sudden exposure to light after a long period of darkness, and all I could do was stare in his green eyes that were convincing me to believe in him. He didn’t smile, but his gloved fingers went to wipe away the trace of tears on my cheek. I didn’t make an attempt to reach him or ask who he is. Hope, when he held his other hand out. Pity, as he set his eyes on my ragged dress and shivering body. Trust, as he gently held my hand and pulled me to an embrace, holding my wilted body against him. My voice was gone from the endless wailing, and my legs were failing to support my limbs. But I pressed my cheek on his shoulder, as he promised me that he’ll bring me out of here.

I could see the walls of Crystal palace slowly hazing, as I had my arms around his neck and felt his arms on my back and knees. Not gripping, and he held me like a glass statue with fear of breaking my bones.

As I saw the sun setting on the edge of Magician’s island, I realized I was trembling with fear and excitement. Can I trust him? Then I felt the stranger’s warm hand on mine. I looked up to glance at him. No trace of smile could be found in his face, but his green eyes told me only one thing.

I’m not alone anymore.

As I had wished the moment would be forever, with the sunset’s orange light framing his face and my hand in his, I made a promise to myself.

I would never fail you.

----

There were times I went up his bed at nights when I felt lonely, and I nestled my head on his chest, feeling his heart close to mine as he pulled the blanket around us. There are times when he read me the bedtime stories on wars he attended and participated, where heroes fought and abandoned the lives of their beloved, and disappeared without a trace after a triumphant victory. Heroes written in old books and became the people’s role model when they were just fighting for their own beliefs and barely seventeen when the war’s finally over.

The heroic tales of Tir Mcdohl and Genkaku’s son in their epic wars were my bedtime stories.

When Master Leknaat made Master Luc the guardian of Stone Tablet of Promise, he watched with indifferent eyes how the leaders lost their beloveds through the war themselves lead. How the shine in their eyes that so many people admired dimmed when Death claimed the lives of families and friends over, and the True Runes kept them from mortality and happiness itself.

I grew taller than him when I was sixteen, and Master Leknaat joked about how master Luc should cut the portion of my meal for the day. Though I hated how I’ve gained my height normally, I loved how my hands would fit into his, perfectly. Instructions on magic he told me, while I pretended to listen and factually were taking the opportunity to glance up on his face. Making mistakes quite often so I could take the liberty of his guiding hands on mine.

But I despised the fact of how I couldn’t climb up his bed anymore when darkness closed into my vision and I found myself drifting to retrace the stain of blood on Crystal Palace’s white, murky walls. Teleportation spells in ancient Harmonian on the palms of my feet.

Devoting myself to the man, I didn’t see him as the father figure I always saw him. Times I spent listening to his endless talks of True Runes, Immortality and Lost Heroes. His right hand would always ball into a fist at times like this, and I would held out mine, tracing the leather before squeezing his hand lightly. Master Leknaat told me what was buried beneath the brown gloves in my seventeenth spring, and I didn’t need to search through the books of ancient Runes to found out. She also told me, that a boy once carried the same Star as Master Luc and lived a cursed life for centuries from a True Rune’s curse, and in the end lost his life to the Rune itself. That boy questioned Fate’s path all his life, and he never found the answer as he affixed the cursed True Rune to the only person he would consider a friend for hundreds of years.

Fate is unchangeable, the boy’s best friend said to the grave of the father that he killed with his own hands.

“Do you know what he’s trying to do?”

Master Leknaat’s voice resonated hollowly inside her private chamber; her hood was pulled back today, revealing long hair that almost reached the ground. Even without any intricacies that most women would wear, she was beautiful. I looked at her eyes, eternally unseeing but saw more than anyone else, and answered. “I need to be with him.”

“Sarah. You knew what he’s trying to accomplish is impossible.”

“...Why did you rescue Luc from the Crystal Valley, Master Leknaat?”

“Because I pitied him and couldn’t bear to see him die. And before long, I kept him here and loved him as an apprentice. As a son. He’s family now, even though he doesn’t want or need such bonds to burden him.”

“For that very same reason, I will follow him because I can’t bear to see him failing by himself. Because I can’t just do nothing and watch him slowly dying from the inside, and because he’s also a family member that I love.” I took the old mask from her desk, one that Master Luc had played with as a child and later became mine. I bowed politely at her, knowing it might be the last time we’ll ever meet. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me—for us, Master Leknaat. I deeply apologize it has to end this way.”

“I’m afraid your love isn’t the same one that transpires from him, Sarah.” I heard Master Leknaat muttering before I left. Her voice was strangely grief-stricken, and unknowingly, a tear rolled down my cheek.

And that’s when I found out.

We met with Albert Silverberg first. On our initial meeting, Master Luc failed to introduce us to each other. When he held out one hand in a polite gesture at me and I ignored it, he simply pulled it back without a trace of shame or resentment.

“I see that you’re Luc’s apprentice through and through,” he concluded, casting me an unidentified look.

It wasn’t a compliment, and none of my future meetings with him ended well. But Albert was a professional that kept his job and his personal feelings apart. Although I decided I disliked him since that day, but as it turned out, I was completely wrong.

Because our next meeting was with Yuber.

“Do you ever think he’s going to notice?”

Even with all the dark, heavy armor equipped, Yuber moved soundlessly, and often kept a nasty habit of suddenly appearing right behind me, cold air breathing down my neck. He was clearly annoyed that I showed no hint of being surprised, and inched his face even closer. He knew right from the start that I preferred a private space that he happily intruded most of the time.

“Whatever are you talking about?” I kept my eyes on the book that I found from Albert’s private library, and stubbornly refused to look in his direction.

“Don’t play smart with me, girlie. I’m getting really, really bored because we’re keeping low and trying to not get any unnecessary attention, and you’re the closest thing to entertainment that I get.”

“Why don’t you try to impale yourself on your own sword? That always works wonders to erase boredom, Yuber.”

“Ahh, such a sharp tongue…do you also get that nasty when you’re in Luc’s bed? But noo, I guess not, not with the dreamy eyes and longing look and the sultry, sweet voice that called ‘Master Luc, Master Luc’…I bet you’re a very submissive lay.”

I slammed the book close and got up to my feet, abruptly leaving him in that tent. Luckily Yuber didn’t give chase, and I entered the next tent with my heart hammering and my fists shaking, face burning with anger and resentment.

“Sarah? Are you all right?”

My Master’s voice came from behind the desk, and slowly his face emerged from the tent’s corner, holding a specter of floating fire on his gloved hand. I quickly shook my head, and he released a breath. His face looked relived for a moment.

“Please watch over yourself, Sarah. Remember, you’re the only one I can count on.”

I have heard his kind words over the years—each afflicted with worry, scolding, tutoring and sometimes affection. Tonight, I wonder which one was it. But it didn’t matter to me then, so why did it matter now?

“It will all be over soon.” He continued with a dark look in his eyes, and my breath caught in my lungs.

“Yes, Master Luc,” I answered, and every syllable was recited like a spell incantation in my mouth, “You can always count on me.”

The ground beneath me shook with the might of True Earth’s strongest spell.

My eyes were beginning to blur, but I could feel his presence on the temple’s floor, stripped of his powers, his life beginning to fade away.

As I placed him on my laps, he had never felt so small. “You used to do this to me.”

“I used to read you stories,” he let out a weak, stifled chuckle. “Am I the child now?”

“Fate is unchangeable, Master Luc. But I’m afraid it takes our life to find that out.”

“Forgive me for it.”

“I have no regrets,” I muttered to him finally, feeling the darkness closing in, and every event in my life passed in a blur, each of my memories filled with his ever existing presence that molded me into the way I am. “To be by your side is everything that I wished for.”

There were probably a million emotions swirling in my master’s facet currently, but I couldn’t see any of them, and his gratefulness, not his words of undying love were the last thing that I heard.

And it was enough for me.