[identity profile] daegaer.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] kinkfest
Title:
Served Cold
Author: Daegaer
Fandom: Weiss Kreuz
Pairing: Aya/Nagi
Rating:NC-17
Word count: 2444
Summary: Aya regrets many things, and learns to regret one more.
Note: Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] louiselux for beta-ing!




"There's a surprise waiting for you," Chloe said to Ken in a more than usually sarcastic tone. "Your ex-boyfriend got in today."

Ken stamped off to the fridge and pretended he was looking for something, the bags of groceries still in one hand. Aya gave Chloe a silent, level glare till he went off unsatisfied. Ken dumped the shopping on the kitchen worktop and looked round cautiously.

"Did he say something about my boyfriend?" he asked. "Why does he always speak to me so quickly? I speak slowly if I'm talking to someone who doesn't know much Japanese."

"He's an idiot. Ignore him," Aya said. "He just wants to get a reaction." He accepted the bottle of strawberry milk Ken held out and led the way out of the kitchen. He stopped in the hall, hand flat against the door of the lounge, feeling his eyes widen in shock.

"Shit," Ken whispered behind him.

Omi was standing by the foot of the stairs, talking to Krypton. He held out a hand, not looking as a file was put in his grasp. Aya drew a breath as the young man who had handed over the file looked his way.

"Naoe Nagi," he muttered. "He still has Naoe Nagi with him."

"Omi's not my ex-boyfriend," Ken said. Then, contritely, "Shit. Sorry, Aya."

Nagi leant forward, whispering. Omi looked round, straight at Aya, a pleasant, politician's smile on his lips.

"Aya-kun! Ken-kun! How good to see you!"

He strode forward and briefly took their hands in his. The smile never wavered and never quite reached his eyes.

"I'm sorry I couldn't send word I was coming. We must catch up before I go home. Please excuse me for the moment. I need to discuss something with Sir Richard."

He walked back, and ascended the stairs with Krypton, Nagi following. None of them looked back. Aya clenched his hand, hard. It didn't make any difference; he could still feel the soft warmth of Omi's touch. He wondered what Chloe had been telling the others.

"Aya?" Ken said. His hand on Aya's shoulder felt blessedly unlike any touch Omi had ever given.

"I'm all right," Aya said. "It was over a long time ago. He made his choices." He found it in him to relax and not-quite smile at Ken. "Let's go watch football."

"OK," Ken said, squeezing his shoulder. "And you can translate Chloe's insults for me."

It was just enough of a joke to remind Aya of what he had now. He found he could open the door and face the others after all.


*

The knock on his door came at half past two in the morning. Aya was instantly awake, sword in hand. It was stupid to be so paranoid in Krypton's house, he thought, edging silently towards the door. He flung it open and stared in surprise at Nagi's calm expression.

"Mamoru has a message for you," Nagi said.

"Let him tell me himself," Aya said shortly, closing the door. It didn't close. He glared at Nagi. "Let my door go."

"I can tell you here, while you get angrier, and your friends eventually come out to hear your secrets, or you can invite me in," Nagi said.

Aya sighed, and stepped aside. Nagi was working for Omi, he thought, which made him an annoyance, not a danger. Nagi strolled past him, as self-possessed as he had always been. Working for Omi suited him, Aya though bitterly, taking in the good quality black-and-grey uniform, the expensive black leather boots and matching gloves. It was as if he'd taken his school uniform and made something dangerous and adult from it. His hair was better too, a smooth fall of dark brown coming down to one eye. Aya wondered if he was seeing Nagi's taste or Omi's.

"Well?" he snapped. "What's the message?"

"Mamoru regrets he probably won't be able to see you alone," Nagi said.

"That's it?" Aya said, unbelieving. "You disturbed me at this hour for that?"

"Not quite," Nagi said. "He misses you. That's why he won't see you. You'd make him weak."

Aya turned away, not wanting Nagi to see the satisfaction in his face. Omi deserved to feel weak, he thought.

"And he's sorry," Nagi went on. "He wants you to forgive him."

"Forgive him? For what?"

"For living in Tokyo while you came here. For regaining his memory rather than living a lie. For doing his duty."

"He has nothing to be forgiven for," Aya muttered. He could afford to be gracious, he thought, now that he knew Omi had regrets. He hoped it burnt every time Omi signed his new and hated name.

"That's what I said," Nagi said. Something that wasn't a smile crossed his face as Aya looked sharply at him. "You left him. You're the one who said you couldn't work for anyone from his family, not even someone you'd known for years. Loved for years. You're the one who made him unhappy, not the other way around. You should be asking him for forgiveness."

"You can go now," Aya said.

"Don't you like hearing the truth? Here's some more: he thinks he's damned. Poor Mamoru. He does the best he can every day, and all he knows is that he's damned." Nagi's voice dropped lower, quieter. "Is he damned? Are you?"

"We're assassins," Aya said. "What do you think?" In his mind's eye he saw Omi crying as he had in Tokyo, saw the fake cheer with which they had parted the next day, saw the false smile on Omi's face earlier in the hallway. He closed his eyes, thouh it couldn't block out the memory of Omi offering any concession, any, if only he'd stay. Why couldn't Omi have stayed in Japan? Memories of what he knew rationally hadn't been happier days assailed him. Some of the days had been happy, he thought. When nothing much had happened, and he and Omi could just be together peacefully.

"You people," Nagi said with dry amusement. "You suffer from Catholic guilt more than I ever did." Aya heard him step closer. "Let me give you a message of my own."

Aya opened his eyes to find Nagi too close. He took a step back and watched the amusement in his eyes grow stronger. "Well?" he said, annoyed it did not come out as strongly as he'd wanted.

"You hurt him," Nagi said, slowly taking off one black glove. "I don't approve. You're still hurting him. I really don't approve, and I think you need to learn a lesson." He pulled off the other glove; his hands looked shockingly pale, as if he rarely saw the sun. He reached out and seized Aya's wrists. "How long has it been?" he said. "Have you been faithful to him all this time, even after breaking his heart? I don't think your pride would let you sleep with Hidaka, and you have more taste than to stoop to sleeping with Krypton's gang of freaks."

His hands were warm and strong on Aya's wrists. Unwillingly Aya remembered how it had felt to have Omi touch his hand earlier, even for a moment. "Let go," he said. He jerked his arms up to break free. Nagi's hands, thin and pale, didn't move so much as a centimetre.

"You won't go to him, and he won't come to you," Nagi said. "You'd hate yourself if you did go to him, and you'd hate yourself for causing both of you more pain. With me, you can just keep lying. You can tell yourself you just hate me, and then you can tell yourself you really are finished with Mamoru."

"Why on earth would I --" Aya began furiously.

"Because the only sex you've had for years has been with your own hand," Nagi interrupted, "And you're lonely."

Aya took a deep breath and glared at him, wondering if he could read minds as well as crush things by thinking of them. With someone from Schwarz it seemed a reasonable supposition. The thing to do, he thought, was not give a reaction. Nagi wanted to torment him, but would stop if he was bored. Aya hoped. "Why would you --"

"That's my business," Nagi said.

Aya felt the tension desert him suddenly, leaving only sadness behind. He was confused for a moment, then overwhelmed with sorrow. He was sorry to have ever left Japan, he was more than sorry to have left Omi. Maybe, he thought, if he'd stayed, Omi wouldn't really have become such a Takatori. The sudden memory of Omi's hands on him, Omi's voice soft and gasping, was too much for him. It was sobering to think that someone like Nagi was the person to understand him and his life. It had been years, he thought; he was lonely, and Nagi was much Omi's height and build. If he shut his eyes --

"No," Nagi said, as Aya tried to pull him closer, brushing their faces together. "I don't kiss."

"Oh," Aya said, feeling foolish.

Nagi ran his hands over him, hard and possessive. "You're getting the wrong idea. I'm not looking for romance. And you needn't think being older than me counts a damn for what we do here, senpai. I spent too long abroad for those attitudes to stick."

"Look --" Aya started, blinking as his head cleared a little. He gasped then as Nagi's hand went inside his pyjama bottoms.

"Shut up," Nagi said, not unkindly. "You're not finished listening to my message. . . . how hard you've got, how quickly. I wouldn't bother trying to convince myself I wasn't really interested, if I were you." He took his hand away and pushed Aya backwards till his calves touched the bed.

Aya sat, glad Nagi hadn't used his terrible ability to move him. How could Omi stand to be friends with someone who could do what Nagi could? He paused. How could he be thinking of going to bed with someone like that?

"You look worried," Nagi said. "Are you afraid I might rip you limb from limb? Are you wondering how much control I have over myself at orgasm? Idiot."

"Can you read my mind?" Aya said.

"We had one telepath on the team," Nagi said. "I was the telekinetic."

It wasn't an answer, Aya thought, but it seemed to be all he was getting. His worries seemed strangely less now, as if locked away; he found he could wonder quite dispassionately if Nagi was influencing his mind. He wriggled out of his pyjamas at Nagi's urging and lay there looking up. Nagi was still fully clothed.

"Turn over," Nagi said. "Get on your hands and knees."

Aya did. The bed dipped as Nagi knelt behind him. He ran a hand down Aya's back, pausing as he reached the buttocks. Aya closed his eyes and tried just to feel the touch as a caress.

"Are you going to get undressed?" he asked.

"We'll see," Nagi said. Then, "You're a stoical sort. You can do this without preparation or lube, I bet." Aya fixed his gaze on the pillows and didn't reply. After a moment Aya heard quiet unidentifiable noises, and then Nagi's fingers touched him again, coolly slick with lube. "Why should I be uncomfortable?" Nagi said, amusement open in his voice.

Aya stayed silent as the fingers pushed into him, thrusting and twisting; making a quiet noise only as Nagi pulled his fingers free quickly. He heard cloth rustle and the sound of Nagi unzipping his trousers, and then Nagi was steadying him, one hand on Aya's side, one hand guiding himself into Aya. It felt like he'd pulled down his trousers only as much as necessary. He hadn't bothered taking off his uniform jacket.

"Condom?" Aya said belatedly.

"Do you really think I'd leave myself open to catching something from you?" Nagi said calmly, and thrust in hard.

Aya caught his breath, trying to brace himself against falling flat. Nagi wasn't the slow or gentle sort. Aya closed his eyes, concentrated on getting used to the rhythm till the movement felt better. He hoped it had been better for Omi than this, he thought suddenly, feeling bleakly sad. Nagi shifted position, the better to speak into Aya's ear, and Aya found himself flattened to the sheets.

"You know what Mamoru wants from sex now?" Nagi said, his breath harsh. "He wants to be punished. You'd be surprised at how many people feel that way. Or maybe you wouldn't. You think you're damned too. You think you don't deserve more than this."

"I bet you like hurting him," Aya said, then gasped as Nagi thrust harder and faster. He got a hand under himself and jerked desperately at his own cock as Nagi kept up the hard, fast pace. He groaned and came, semen spilling through his fingers onto the sheets, just before Nagi's hand tightened on his hips and he grunted and, after a last deep movement, stilled.

"Here's what you need to learn," Nagi said at last, pushing back and pulling out. He climbed off the bed and Aya could see he had only pushed his trousers down, as if it hadn't been worth getting undressed further. Nagi took off the condom, Aya's box of tissues floating towards him. He wiped himself off carefully and wrapped the condom and used tissue in another, dropping them in the wastepaper basket. "You should be the one to ask Mamoru's forgiveness," he said, straightening his clothes. "You let him think he made stupid decisions and told him he'd turned into a monster. He's half killed himself trying to prove you right. Kritiker thinks he's a child to be controlled. He feels used and disgusted with himself. Now you know what that's like." Nagi stepped closer to the bed, leaning down to look into Aya's face. "Pay attention: I will never let you hurt him again."

Aya looked up, saw the heat behind the cool, calm expression. "Do you love him?" he asked.

"Why do you always ask the wrong questions?" Nagi said, and walked out.

Aya lay there, imagining Nagi going to report his mission accomplished. How would Omi look? Maybe he'd laugh. He tried to remember how it had felt when Omi had touched him, but all he could think of was Nagi, all his memories overwritten. He should get angry, he thought. He shouldn't have that niggling thought that this was what he'd deserved. Yes. He'd get angry about this in a while.

He closed his eyes and curled up tight, wishing, not for the first time, that everything was different.

Date: 2007-07-02 05:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guiltyred.livejournal.com
"Why do you always ask the wrong questions?"

Damn. And ouch. Nagi as punisher...terrifying thought, that. Brilliantly done!

Date: 2007-07-02 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mainekosama.livejournal.com
Scary Nagi! Just as he should be. I love him when he's such an evil manipulator (Schuldig taught him well :p). Also, the subtle (or not so subtle) concern for Mamoru shined through and it made everything even more twisted. I liked the lighter shades with Ken getting teased in English, too.

Date: 2007-07-02 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyofshadow.livejournal.com
I really liked this line Working for Omi suited him, Aya though bitterly, taking in the good quality black-and-grey uniform, the expensive black leather boots and matching gloves. It was as if he'd taken his school uniform and made something dangerous and adult from it. Quite an image! I loved how it's described.

And damn...scary!Nagi! indeed!

Date: 2007-07-03 07:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ravenbell.livejournal.com
Nagi is really terrifying here, and the way he goes after Aya so deliberately and without any pretenses at all is just awesome to see. And Aya taking it is somehow ever scarier.

Brilliant job.

Date: 2007-07-04 05:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arcanelight.livejournal.com
Gut-wrenching and extremely well done. Just wonderful.

Date: 2007-07-15 10:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] toscas-kiss.livejournal.com
Ouch, ouch, ouch.
I never know whether I want to shoot kick your beautifully self-destructive Aya's arse or give him a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on. I fell just a little bit more in love with your Nagi again though, merciless as he is.

Date: 2007-07-16 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] puddingcat.livejournal.com
(I am so late with all my comments :( )

Lovely! If Evil!Nagi and Even-more-full-of-self-loathing-than-usual!Aya can be said to be lovely... So much backstory hinted at, Aya still thinking of Mamoru as "Omi", while everyone's digging themselves further into their holes to avoid actually (gasp!) talking abut things.

Wonderful :)

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