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kinkfestTitle: The Universe is a Yaoi-Loving Contortionist- Or Is It?
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
akai_senshi
Fandoms: Gintama/Naruto xover
Characters: Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura; (pre-time-skip) Sakura and Shikamaru (not really any pairings per se)
Prompt: Fic-February 17- Crossover, Gintama/Naruto, Gintoki/Shikamaru: laziness - “Eventually we’ll have to get up off this couch. Anytime now.”
Rating: PG-13 for cursing and discussions of yaoi
Summary: When the Naruto characters land in the Meiji era (WITH ALIENS!), Sakura and Kagura hatch a plan to see real live yaoi, but their targets are the two laziest guys they know.
Word Count: 783
Somehow, in the grand scheme of things, the Universe decided that, through some method or another (probably some forbidden jutsu), it would lick its own ass, much like a cat cleaning himself. The fabric of said Universe did not take kindly to being stretched by said ass-licking, however, and therefore, one Sakura Haruno and one Shikamaru Nara found themselves in the Meiji era (BUT WITH ALIENS INSTEAD OF FOREIGNERS!), plopped down in some God-forsaken hovel called Odd Jobs Gin. Obviously the Universe's pants button had popped in the process.
The residents of said dump were sitting around in the muggy heat, waiting for any chance to make money for any sort of food, or to track down their fan so that they could stop sweating. One gentleman who wore glasses was singing along to the latest single by his favorite artist, Otsuu-san, called “Your Momma Eats XXX”; he was still seated, but his ass was wiggling on the floor to the beat. Another was plopped down on the couch, absolutely lethargic because of his low blood sugar levels.
Our heroic travelers looked around, ascertaining if they were not caught in some enemy illusion jutsu. Shikamaru, sure that this was not a trap, joined the silver-haired fellow on the couch, legs sprawled out so that they were touching the other man's.
“I'm beat,” Shikamaru said. “This trip was such a drag.”
“...How did we get here again?” Sakura scratched her head.
“I dunno. Couch is comfy though.”
A young girl wearing her hair in Chinese buns looked up at Sakura. “Where'd you guys come from...?”
“Konoha.”
“I don't know that planet.”
“It's in Shonen Jump, Shonen Jump!” yawned Gintoki from the couch. “You know, Naruto?”
“Of COURSE I know Naruto! He's annoying as hell!” spouted Sakura.
Shinpachi looked up from his music, as he had overheard the last snippets of the conversation. “Are you sure that this isn’t from the Universe licking its own ass?”
“That's impossible,” drawled Gintoki. “There's no ass for it to lick. Now how about you guys go to the fridge and get me some strawberry milk?”
“WE'RE OUT!” yelled Shinpachi in a rage. “You drank it all ten minutes ago!”
“...Oh, yeah.” Gintoki cleaned his ear out with his finger. “Forgot.”
Little did Gintoki know that, upon lifting up is precious copy of Shonen Jump, some force or another (maybe it was the Universe sucking its own cock this time) turned half the pages into fairly explicit yaoi. He didn't seem to notice, but Sakura and Kagura, on the other hand...
“Whoa, did you see that?” Kagura asked? “GUYS DOING IT!”
“Really? Where?” Sakura was spastic at this point.
“Shhh, keep it down!” Kagura lowered her voice to a whisper. An idea had hit her and it wasn't about to let go of her brain. “I think I know the perfect way that I can get these two bums off of the couch.”
“You mean...?”
“Yeah!” Both girls giggled as Sakura walked towards Shikamaru.
“You know, we were thinking...why don't you turn your head towards him? It's cooler over there.”
“Do I look stupid, Sakura? Turning my head about now would be such a pain.” Shikamaru sighed and sunk deeper into the couch.
“Then I'll MAKE you turn it!” Sakura punched her fist for emphasis.
“Women, I'll never get 'em.” He sighed again, exasperated.
“Then, Gin-san, why don't you turn your head towards his?” Kagura suggested.
“No, I'm reading. Mukuro's about to nail Tsuna and own his body, you know...”
“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE READING?”
“Not my fault Shonen Jump wants a broader audience,” Gin sighed.
“Oh, for the love of...” Sakura got up and stomped her foot. “There's two hot guys in this room, and me and her want to see them MAKE OUT!”
“Nah, women are a pain, but I don't bend that way,” yawned Shikamaru. “Besides, I've been working pretty hard as of late and I need a rest.”
“And I'd do him if you gave me some candy or something to keep my stamina up,” yawned Gintoki.
As the two men drifted off to sleep, Kagura and Sakura could not believe their bad luck. Of all the attractive guys in the world that they could force into yaoi, the Universe had licked its own ass and sucked its own cock to give them...its two laziest members.
The women sighed and resigned themselves to their fate, sprawled out on the floor in the summer heat.
-FIN
Author:
akai_senshi Fandoms: Gintama/Naruto xover
Characters: Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura; (pre-time-skip) Sakura and Shikamaru (not really any pairings per se)
Prompt: Fic-February 17- Crossover, Gintama/Naruto, Gintoki/Shikamaru: laziness - “Eventually we’ll have to get up off this couch. Anytime now.”
Rating: PG-13 for cursing and discussions of yaoi
Summary: When the Naruto characters land in the Meiji era (WITH ALIENS!), Sakura and Kagura hatch a plan to see real live yaoi, but their targets are the two laziest guys they know.
Word Count: 783
Somehow, in the grand scheme of things, the Universe decided that, through some method or another (probably some forbidden jutsu), it would lick its own ass, much like a cat cleaning himself. The fabric of said Universe did not take kindly to being stretched by said ass-licking, however, and therefore, one Sakura Haruno and one Shikamaru Nara found themselves in the Meiji era (BUT WITH ALIENS INSTEAD OF FOREIGNERS!), plopped down in some God-forsaken hovel called Odd Jobs Gin. Obviously the Universe's pants button had popped in the process.
The residents of said dump were sitting around in the muggy heat, waiting for any chance to make money for any sort of food, or to track down their fan so that they could stop sweating. One gentleman who wore glasses was singing along to the latest single by his favorite artist, Otsuu-san, called “Your Momma Eats XXX”; he was still seated, but his ass was wiggling on the floor to the beat. Another was plopped down on the couch, absolutely lethargic because of his low blood sugar levels.
Our heroic travelers looked around, ascertaining if they were not caught in some enemy illusion jutsu. Shikamaru, sure that this was not a trap, joined the silver-haired fellow on the couch, legs sprawled out so that they were touching the other man's.
“I'm beat,” Shikamaru said. “This trip was such a drag.”
“...How did we get here again?” Sakura scratched her head.
“I dunno. Couch is comfy though.”
A young girl wearing her hair in Chinese buns looked up at Sakura. “Where'd you guys come from...?”
“Konoha.”
“I don't know that planet.”
“It's in Shonen Jump, Shonen Jump!” yawned Gintoki from the couch. “You know, Naruto?”
“Of COURSE I know Naruto! He's annoying as hell!” spouted Sakura.
Shinpachi looked up from his music, as he had overheard the last snippets of the conversation. “Are you sure that this isn’t from the Universe licking its own ass?”
“That's impossible,” drawled Gintoki. “There's no ass for it to lick. Now how about you guys go to the fridge and get me some strawberry milk?”
“WE'RE OUT!” yelled Shinpachi in a rage. “You drank it all ten minutes ago!”
“...Oh, yeah.” Gintoki cleaned his ear out with his finger. “Forgot.”
Little did Gintoki know that, upon lifting up is precious copy of Shonen Jump, some force or another (maybe it was the Universe sucking its own cock this time) turned half the pages into fairly explicit yaoi. He didn't seem to notice, but Sakura and Kagura, on the other hand...
“Whoa, did you see that?” Kagura asked? “GUYS DOING IT!”
“Really? Where?” Sakura was spastic at this point.
“Shhh, keep it down!” Kagura lowered her voice to a whisper. An idea had hit her and it wasn't about to let go of her brain. “I think I know the perfect way that I can get these two bums off of the couch.”
“You mean...?”
“Yeah!” Both girls giggled as Sakura walked towards Shikamaru.
“You know, we were thinking...why don't you turn your head towards him? It's cooler over there.”
“Do I look stupid, Sakura? Turning my head about now would be such a pain.” Shikamaru sighed and sunk deeper into the couch.
“Then I'll MAKE you turn it!” Sakura punched her fist for emphasis.
“Women, I'll never get 'em.” He sighed again, exasperated.
“Then, Gin-san, why don't you turn your head towards his?” Kagura suggested.
“No, I'm reading. Mukuro's about to nail Tsuna and own his body, you know...”
“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE READING?”
“Not my fault Shonen Jump wants a broader audience,” Gin sighed.
“Oh, for the love of...” Sakura got up and stomped her foot. “There's two hot guys in this room, and me and her want to see them MAKE OUT!”
“Nah, women are a pain, but I don't bend that way,” yawned Shikamaru. “Besides, I've been working pretty hard as of late and I need a rest.”
“And I'd do him if you gave me some candy or something to keep my stamina up,” yawned Gintoki.
As the two men drifted off to sleep, Kagura and Sakura could not believe their bad luck. Of all the attractive guys in the world that they could force into yaoi, the Universe had licked its own ass and sucked its own cock to give them...its two laziest members.
The women sighed and resigned themselves to their fate, sprawled out on the floor in the summer heat.
-FIN
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Date: 2011-02-17 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 08:00 am (UTC)