Yami no Matsuei (Touda/Tsuzuki)

[nekokoban]

Title: The King's Burden
Author/Artist: nekokoban
Rating: PG
Word count: 891
Summary: Touda knows how the story goes.
Prompt: Yami no Matsuei, Tsuzuki/Touda: Bonds - there is nothing more costly than what's free.
Notes: Annnnd here's me, bein' TOTALLY cryptic. ... I'm sorry? Spoilers for the Kyoto arc.

+++++

There is a story where a king disguised himself as a beggar for a day, to walk among the poor of his kingdom. He took with him a slave to guide his steps through the city, to whisper the right words that would get them into the darkest places and narrowest corners. For a day they walked together, shoulder to shoulder, and the slave guided his master's steps without faltering. The king saw so many things that day: the dead, the dying, the hopeless -- all the dirty crowded unhappy places that lay so thickly under the glittering golden rooftops of his city.

And when the day had ended, and the king had walked so long through the streets, he returned to the palace and ordered the slave's execution.

"You have seen too much to bear," he said, when the slave was brought before him one last time. "I will free you from this terrible world."

The slave, kneeling on the hard marble between two silent guards, looked up at his king with sadness. "You do not free me from anything," he said. "And you will not free yourself. You are simply binding yourself to what you fear. My death will not change that."

But the king simply shook his head and wept, for he was a kind man, and when the executioner's blade cleaved the servant's head from his shoulders, the king turned his face to look upon his shining city -- but all he could see was the dirty wounded underbelly, lying far below.

+++

"I'm sorry," Tsuzuki says. His eyes are downcast, and he fiddles with the air itself between his fingers. He keeps his shoulders hunched, as though he's just barely holding up under immense weight.

Knowing Tsuzuki, perhaps he is.

"I'm sorry," he says agian, and then it all comes out in a babbled rush: "It was unkind of me to ask that of you, I know you're bound to obey me, but you're also supposed to protect me, it was unkind of me to ask. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I--"

Touda lifts a clawed hand. He curls his fingers just so, a hairsbreadth from Tsuzuki's cheek. "It was what you wanted," he says.

Tsuzuki sucks his lower lip into his mouth and chews on it. "I'm not -- you shouldn't--"

"You are my master," Touda says. He ghosts his fingers up, still not quite touching, so that the tips of his claws just barely part the long strands of Tsuzuki's hair. "That alone is enough."

+++

There is a second, lesser-known part to the story.

It's said that every night, at midnight, the slave would appear in the king's quarters, standing by the windows that looked out upon the city. And though the king begged and wept and threatened, the slave said nothing: he would simply stare at his king with sad eyes, the blood dripping from a ring round his neck, silent and pale until the witching hour passed.

Finally, one year to the day when the slave had been killed by the king's order, he appeared and the windows opened behin him. Over the mad wind that sprang up at the same time, he said the first words since his appearance: "My king, I am still bound. Is this what you wanted?" He spread his arms and there were tears on his face and blood on his mouth and the king could only stare in dumb grief. "I did this for love of you, and I would have done so had I not been your property; my love was given to you freely." As he spoke, blood came from his mouth, and flowed in rivulets to the foot of the king's bed. "See what I am giving you, and how I am bound."

In the morning, when the servants came to tend to their king, they found all the glass of the windows shattered and the king dead upon the floor, his face wet with tears.

+++

Touda uses the tips of his claws alone to brush the hair from Tsuzuki's eyes, and his touch is delicate as possible as he tucks it behind one ear. Tsuzuki's eyes are shining, on the verge of tears again, and Touda thinks that he is very tired of all of this: of Tsuzuki's unrelenting grief and guilt and all the other heavy things that time can't undo. He could offer forgiveness like a benediction, for whatever it was worth, and he knows it would simply wash over Tsuzuki and then away, taking nothing with it.

"I'm sorry," Tsuzuki says again. He catches Touda's wrist suddenly, and Touda holds still as Tsuzuki presses into his palm, nuzzling. His master is warm and fragile and shaking, and Touda thinks it would take less than hellfire to destroy him. "Touda, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked--"

"Whatever you want," Touda says, "it's yours for the asking." He shifts his hand just a little so that Tsuzuki tilts his face up.

This is no king, this is no Emperor on his golden throne, this is hardly even a man, all cobbled-together unhappiness and thin skin, and Touda sighs.

"You don't even need to ask," he says, and he leans down, his forehead to Tsuzuki's, counting the breaths that come soft and fast against his cheek. "I will give it to you."

Comments

[hitode.livejournal.com]

alksjdhflkjda omg this is amazing ♥

[nekokoban]

♥♥♥ Thank you! :D I'm glad you liked this~

omg, and your icon♥ I've only seen the first half of O-togizoushi, but that is a lovely icon.

[yue_ix]

This fic gave me a moment of silence, a pause in which to think about each word and sentence carefully, find all their meaning and see multiple puzzle solutions possible to their relationship. That is to say, that was very good, and made me think first while reading, then re-reading, and still now after. The fairytale insertion was great, and Touda's gentle strokes with his claws make me want to melt. Thank you for this. =)

[nekokoban]

I'm a huge fan of fairytales, so whenever I can, I like to toss them in -- I'm glad to hear it worked here! :D Thank you for reading; I was worried about balancing Touda and Tsuzuki, and it's such a relief to know that I didn't completely botch it♥

[yue_ix]

Fairytales ftw. *nodsnods*
May I ask what your icon is based on? Seems interesting. =)

[nekokoban]

Fairytales and legends are totally awesome. :D

My icon uses caps from "Wicked" and the corresponding characters from "The Wizard of Oz" -- Wicked is the story of Elphaba (the Wicked Witch of the West) and her rise to infamy. It started as a book by Gregory Maquire, and was adapted into a musical (which is where the images come from, using the original Broadway cast). I'd recommend both versions -- the musical has a happier ending and a more sympathetic (i.e., less of a awesomely cynical bitch) Elphaba, but I love both. XD

[yhibiki.livejournal.com]

Aaah, this is awesome. *_* ♥♥♥

[nekokoban]

♥♥♥ Thank youuuuuuuu~ :D

P.S. I am still trying to get to those crossover prompts! Yours is in there! I WILL BE TRIUMPHANT SOMEDAY!

[yhibiki.livejournal.com]

... Oh, lol. That was AGES ago. XD I'd completely forgotten. Had to revisit the thread to even remember what I had requested (and I've now preemptively favorited it). But now I am totally expecting something ;) Look what you went and did!

(I kid -- take care of your other prompts first, it's not gonna kill me to wait. Plus I'm traveling around soon, I dunno how often I can check the comp anyway.)

[nekokoban]

Ack, nooooooo! XD BUT SINCE IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG, I HONOR MY PROMISES! I seriously do want to, I just keep getting sidetracked with the other obligations.

But, maybe by the time you're not traveling, I'll have something for you! :D

[issen4.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful--in the rather painful way that characterizes Tsuzuki (and the relationship between Tsuzuki and Touda). I enjoyed reading it--thanks for sharing this!

[nekokoban]

Upon rereading the series, I've decided I really do like a lot of the Touda-Tsuzuki relationship -- I'm glad it works here. :) Thank you for reading!

[yue_ix]

does that mean you'll write them porn? Because that would be really awesome. I was planning on perhaps requesting it at the next kink prompt if no one did it first.

[nekokoban]

[laughs] Uh, well, I try to avoid writing porn wherever possible, mostly because I feel I'm crap at it, and there are people on my flist who write it so well, I'm intimidated. Also, my porn is less of the "hot" and more of "purple metaphor" sort. D: You may not want me to write it, trust me. XD;

But, if the prompt is sufficiently interesting enough, I just might. :)

[yue_ix]

Metaphor porn is one of the best. I understand your reluctance, but, hey, there is no such thing as too much porn on the internet. Think of it as a way to practice, perhaps? =)
I understand your reluctance, as the same happens to me (the purple and the intimidation), but the allure of porn is still greatest. I really liked this story, and am confident I'd like anything further you write. =)

And then I'll draw fanart of it. Yesss. <3

[nekokoban]

I have written porn before, it's just a sort of -- it usually goes like:

ME: [write two lines]
INTERET: [is distracting]

TWO HOURS LATER

ME: .... [deletes everything]
ME: [calls someone up/harrasses roommate/finds more distraction on the internet]

And somewhere along the way, this painfully cobbled-together smut scene appears. XD But like I said, if I find something that gets my attention, I'll write it regardless. XD

I'm also super-bribable. :p I have been known to write for food, I'm that easy. U_____U

[lady-ganesh.livejournal.com]

This is completely stunning. Thank you.

[nekokoban]

Thank you for reading. :) I'm glad you liked this♥

[http://users.livejournal.com/solo____/]

Oh, I really like Touda in this! Some wonderful lines and insights.

[nekokoban]

Thank you! :) I'm glad you enjoyed this! ♥