Letter of the Law [Blood+, Diva/Haji]

[blackanise.livejournal.com]

Title: Letter of the Law
Author: blackanise [Unknown site tag]
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2500
Summary: Haji is lacking in his capacity for interpretation.
A/N: Sorry this is so late! ;__;
Prompt: Blood +, Diva/Haji: Forced-husbandry - With the lights out it's less dangerous/Here we are now/Entertain us

Silence reigns in the alley. Haji is pleased to have found a place so out of the way, yet near enough to the hotel that he can watch Saya’s window for any signs of a disturbance. If need be, he can be at her side in a handful of moments. Slowly, he unlatches his case and retrieves his cello and bow; a crate someone left to be recycled becomes his makeshift chair. The night air is soft, and as the first few notes begin to trail upward, Haji can feel it vibrating around him with the sound.

When this is all over, tomorrow, or some day after – when Diva is dead, he will play for Saya like this. She will look at him with approval in her eyes. She will be as lost in the music as he is now, as consumed by his song as he is by the thought of her.

Haji is so absorbed in the subtle rhythm of each bowstroke matched with the movement of his fingers that he hears nothing but F, G, A flat as they soar over the concealing hum of nearby traffic and the muted sounds of couples walking a street or two away. He does not hear soft footsteps approaching. His eyes, fixed over the rooftops on the dark shadows of Saya’s window, do not see a diminutive figure slinking down the alley.

He only feels the shock of a forearm forced into his windpipe, and by then it is too late.

--

“Haji.” Saya’s eyes were downcast and her brow heavy with thought.

“Yes?”

She did not look at Haji when she addressed him; instead, her eyes were fixed on the doorway and the noises filtering in from the hall. Low sounds of voices trying not to be heard, apprehensive. Haji could see that same tension in every muscle of Saya’s face and body as she spoke, never once taking her eyes or thoughts from the voices in the hallway. “I’d like to spend some time with Kai and Riku. Just to...talk, about everything. Family matters. You know. Could you maybe, um, take a walk outside while I do that? To gather your thoughts, maybe?”

“Of course.” Haji’s feelings were not hurt. Saya’s two families were separate. He would not intrude on private matters, would not even think of it.

“I don’t mean,” she put her hand over his, “that I want you to leave. I just...need to be alone with them. This might be,” her voice got soft, pained, “our last chance to really be together as a family.”

Obedient, understanding, Haji nodded, bowed slightly, and swept from the room. He motioned Kai and Riku, who had been standing outside the door conversing, to go in. “Saya needs you,” was all he said. It was all any of them knew at this point. They were needed, and they would be there for her. This battle, though all of them had fought in it, was now almost entirely hers. Haji would have to follow her orders even more closely from this point in.

---

He wakes to cold dirt and gravel beneath him and a drizzly evening sky above. There are no stars visible through the clouds. For a moment this seems the most pressing detail - and then, with a bolt of sheer panic, Haji realizes that he cannot see Saya’s window from this position. She could be under attack -

But when he tries to stand, there is a weight on his hips that keeps him from moving his legs. Pale hands grip his forearms and press them up, over his head. He must have been out for only a moment; the back of his head is still sticky with blood from when it impacted the ground, the wound not yet healed. It doesn’t get a chance to. One of the hands releases his arms and twists in his hair, pulling him up face to face with a pretty, glossy smile and ice blue eyes. Then he finds himself yanked downward again. There is a sharp crack, and Haji feels slightly dizzy.

This is a bad situation. If Diva is here, then her Chevalier must be nearby, which means they know where Saya is, could be in the hotel right now -

Haji makes a vicious effort to break free, despite the swimming feeling creating pressure behind his eyes, but the woman atop his hips slams him back down once again, grinning close to his face. Her eyes are dancing like light reflected off the water. A trick of the light. He resists the urge to blink and hope she might vanish, a mirage, or to strike out at her, to fight.

Her breath is cool on his face when she says playfully, like a child calling alle-alle-auch-sind-frei: “Aw, why so hasty? Don’t worry, we’ve got all night.”

--

“Kai, Riku.” Saya smiled as she motioned them over to the bed where she had propped herself up. Kai returned the expression, even though it didn’t get far enough from his mouth to reach his eyes, and fluffed her pillows gently.

“You comfortable?” he asked, one hand on her knee and one on Riku’s shoulder.

“Yeah, thanks.” She pulled them close, breathing in the mixed scent of Kai’s cheap, overdone cologne and Riku’s mild shampoo. “Listen, tomorrow is going to be really tough. I want you both to know that no matter what, I’ve been so proud of you. You’ve really helped. I couldn’t have gotten anywhere without you behind me, you know? But as important as that is, tonight, I don’t want us to talk about serious stuff.” Her smile gentled at the corners. “Let’s just be together. A normal family. You know.” She punched Riku softly in the shoulder. “You guys remember what that means, right?”

And so they sat, talking about bands they used to like, stupid stuff Kai did to get their dad’s attention, the time Saya ate nearly her entire birthday cake, unaided. Saya stroked Riku’s head lovingly, memorizing the feeling of his baby-fine hair between her fingers. Even with everything that loomed on the horizon tomorrow, here, with her brothers, she felt safe.

For the first time since she'd heard the name “Diva”, since Haji had first appeared to her in the schoolyard that night, Saya was happy.

--

Gravel is digging into Haji's shoulders, through his jacket, scraping against the backs of his thighs with each rocking motion. He tries to focus on the tiny pains instead of the jolts of pleasure emanating from the base of his spine. Unholy, unloyal sensations. His body, it's only his body responding, Saya won't hold him accountable for that, surely!

But he is less forgiving of himself than Saya is.

Is he betraying her?

Diva's hands at his throat loosen minutely, and she leans down to whisper in his ear, her breath hot and sticky like rotting garbage, a sickly sweet scent: “Since you've been such a gentleman, I'll make this a little easier,” she coos. Her nails stroke his cheek, sharp and tingling. “How about this? You can pretend I'm Saya...and I'll play along. You can call out her name. You can tell yourself you're getting what you always wanted, and she'll never, ever have to know.”

She nips at his neck. He feels the sting of her incisors not as a dull burning pleasure, as he does when Saya draws life from him, but as a foreign body lodged under his skin, even as she pulls away without drawing blood.

Haji can feel himself beginning to lose control. He doesn't want this to be on her terms; he won't associate Saya with such obscenity. He will not betray her in his heart, simply to ease his own suffering. It would be blasphemy to call this monstrosity by Saya's name.

So Haji says nothing, only closes his eyes and waits for the end to be torn from him, a wounded animal cry that betrays nothing.

--

Riku lies half-draped across Saya's and Kai's laps like a slightly oversized doll, his narrow chest rising and falling shallowly with sleep. His siblings are propped against the stiff, crinkly hotel pillows and against each other, talking in whispers so as not to wake him. Slowly, Kai shifts Riku just enough that he can take Saya's hand in his and run his fingers down the lines of it, marveling at how tiny it seems by comparison. He nudges her side gently.

“Hey, Saya, don't look so down. Everything's going to be fine. You've gotta just relax and let us take care of the rest.”

“I can't.” Saya is surprised to find her vision blurry with tears. She hasn't cried much since her memories started coming back. The trace of who she used to be is at once comforting and annoying. “Kai, I've been letting everyone else take care of me this whole time.” She bows her head. “I know this sounds stupid. I do! Haji is my Chevalier, which means he's supposed to fight for me and everything, and I've been going along with that and letting him get torn to pieces this whole time. I know I've let that happen. But tomorrow...” A shaky breath invites Kai to interrupt, to contradict her, but he's silent, watching her face without passing judgment. “Tomorrow isn't a question of him getting hurt. We're going to fight Diva! The other Chevalier, whatever they do to him will heal. But Diva could kill him, Kai!”

The room weighs heavily with her strained breaths.

“I can't let anything happen to any of you. Haji has always protected me. I want to protect him, too. Even if it means Diva gets away. We can always track her down again. But without Haji, I can't go on. If anything happened to him, Kai, I don't know what I'd do.”

Like cradling a child, Kai pulls Saya over until her head rests on his chest. She's so strong, he thinks, but she can't protect everyone, and he can't protect her. “I know, I know,” he says into her hair. “It's going to be all right, Saya. Trust me.”

--

It is over more quickly than Haji could have hoped for, a simple convulsion of all his muscles and a sensation of something being drawn from him, some part of himself escaping out into the night. Diva seems to know the moment it happens, and she lifts herself off of him with a satisfied, if a little puzzled, smile.

“I would have thought,” she conjectures mildly with a playful pout as she slips her clothing back on, one piece at a time, “that a Chevalier strong enough to kill my Solomon would be able to put up even a little bit of a fight. I'm disappointed in you, Haji.”

He says nothing, still as death on the slick, muddy ground. There seems to be grit ingrained through his clothes, into his very core.

“Even so, I want to thank you. You really are a gentleman. You couldn't have given me a more perfect gift if you'd killed Saya yourself!” The frown disappears as she giggles, looking young and beautiful and completely unstained. Haji hates her for laughing while Saya worries and loses sleep and gets weaker every moment. “So,” Diva continues, “I'll give you something in return.”

Haji lifts his chin, the slightest show of defiance. To die for Saya will be an honor; more than that, it is his duty as a Chevalier. He expected it, really. He has lost, betrayed Saya through his weakness. There can be no return; he cannot fight at Saya's side knowing that a part of himself grows within their enemy. Saya would not want him.

As if reading his thoughts, Diva's lyrical voice splits the alley's dank air again. “You can go back to her. I won't kill you, not after you've been such a dear. Run back to Saya and tell her what you've done. Keep fighting with her; it doesn't matter. If she'll have you, that is.” Eyes glint electric blue in the dimness, mirroring the brightness of a perfect white smile. “Saya has no use for a servant who has bowed to another as his master.”

When she goes, so swiftly even Haji's eyes cannot follow, the air still reeks of pestilence. Haji can smell it on his own clothes, in his hair.

He can't abandon Saya, not now, no matter what he's done. But he'll have to wash up before he goes back to her. He can't be sullying Saya with all this filth on his hands, can he?

--

Haji stood in perfect stillness beside Saya's bed, watching her face for any hint of discomfort. She seemed to be far away. These days, she had too many important things to think about.

“Haji,” she murmured quietly, her lips barely moving. “I want to ask a favor of you. It's important.”

He nodded, knowing she saw it. He knew she didn't have to.

“Diva is my responsibility, and mine alone. None of the rest of you can kill her. It has to be me. So there's no point...” She seemed doubtful of what she was saying: convinced of its truth but unsure whether it was a truth he should be hearing. “No point in anyone else fighting her, right? They would only get killed. So, Haji, I know you aren't going to like this, but I'm begging you. If you run into Diva and I'm not there, don't fight against her! It's not worth it.” He takes in the indentations on her lip where she bites it, her eyes blurry with tears. “It's not, Haji. You understand, right?”

“...Of course.”

Haji inclined his head, perfect subservience. He would never disobey her wishes.

“One more thing tonight. Haji.” Her eyes were still downcast and her brow heavy with thought.

“Yes?”

Saya did not look at Haji when she addressed him. He tried to imagine her distraction was concern for him. The indulgence, its selfishness, tasted bitter. “I’d like to spend some time with Kai and Riku. Just to...talk, about everything. Family matters. You know. Could you maybe, um, take a walk outside while I do that? To gather your thoughts, maybe?”

“Of course.”

There was never any question.

--

She doesn't throw him out, scream at him to go as any reasonable Queen would. It's as if she simply folds inward, a sad, fragile paper thing crushed underfoot. This is much worse.

Haji makes no move to hold her. He can't touch her. The dirt is gone, but the stain is not. He watches her choke on half-formed sobs from a respectful distance, wishing he could throw respect to the winds just this once and comfort her. But he can't do anything, because this is his fault.

Saya looks up at him and asks, as though she is begging, “Why? Why didn't you fight her, Haji? Why did you let her hurt you?”

Confusion removes all answer from his tongue, except:

“...You asked me not to.”

Her face when he meets her eyes once more is horrorstruck, as though she only now realizes the flaw in a machine she'd been using, and understands that she is the one who has caused it to break.

“That's not what I meant,” she whispers hoarsely, “That isn't what I meant at all.”

For all that he has followed every order she's ever given him, Haji still does not understand.

Comments

[anime-angel-ash.livejournal.com]

“...You asked me not to.”

...

OH MY FRACKING GAWD. *weeps all over the place* YOU LIED WHEN YOU SAID THIS WOULD NOT LIVE UP TO EXPECTATIONS! YOU LIED, MA'AM!

Basically? This was beautiful and so, so infinitely sad. Poor Haji, and poor Saya, AND POOR EVERYONE. Oh my goodness! Words fail me! Words faaaail meeee!

*weeps quietly*

[lullabyes22.livejournal.com]

Wow. This was so well-written and so tragic. My heart goes out to Haji, but you can't help feel bad for Saya too. Knowing how Haji obeys her each and every word to the letter, she should've made the whole don't fight Diva request clearer. *sighs* Wonderful work!

[sinemoras09.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. I found this fic on a fanfic rec site, and I had to comment. This is beautiful. Gorgeously written and completely heart-wrenching. I'm adding this to my memories. Thank you so much for sharing!