Ouran High School Host Club (Kyoya/Mori)

[misura.livejournal.com]

Title: - (untitled)
Author: misura
Rating: PG
Warnings: None.
Summary: Kyoya plots, but neglects to account for several important factors.


At some point in time, when he noticed himself taking an interest in such matters (or, actually, when he imagined himself behaving the way Tamaki did around Haruhi and couldn't quite suppress a shudder), Kyoya Ohtori composed a mental list of what he would look for in a lover.

The first requirement on his list was that the person would have to be male - his position as a host would suffer considerably if he formed an attachment with anyone female, besides of which Kyoya knew that most females were either boring (like those who frequented the Host Club and happily paid hundreds of thousands of yen for a defective calculator he'd had for years) or Haruhi, and dating Haruhi was clearly not an option.

Secondly, the person would have to be someone Kyoya knew already. To intentionally make someone's acquaintance for the purpose of having sex with them was not only tacky but risky as well. After all, Kyoya did have his standards, and he had no use for someone making a scene simply because they hadn't met with Kyoya's expectations. Besides, Kyoya knew a lot of people. He'd made it his business to know a lot of people - that was the whole purpose of his attending Ouran, after all.

Thirdly, Kyoya decided after considerable consideration, it would have to be a member of the Host Club. He didn't think any kind of attachment could be kept a secret, so if he selected someone outside of the Host Club, it would only make Tamaki organize a 'Get to know Kyoya's boyfriend'-tour, thereby neglecting his duties as president and decreasing revenues.

Of the six members of the Host Club, he'd already decided Haruhi was out. Tamaki was too annoying and melodramatic, and while Kyoya thought it might be a good idea to get Tamaki over his infatuation with Haruhi (because it distracted him from the customers) Kyoya had no desire to invest that much time and effort. The twins were too much trouble, too prone to making jokes and too perfectly matched to risk alienating the incest-fangirls by inserting a third person into their relationship.

The idea of so much as kissing Hunny was enough to unsettle Kyoya's stomach, and not just because it was likely Hunny's body consisted for over 70% of sugar, considering how much sweets he consumed. Kyoya did not have a Lolita-complex, he had no sweet tooth and he found the concept of sleeping with a plushie disconcerting.

It would have to be Mori, then.

x

Kyoya's plan to seduce Takashi Morinozuka made him a little uncomfortable. Kyoya kept a file on Mori, of course, with notes about likes, dislikes and potential weaknesses, and his plan had taken all of these things into account. It was cunning, well thought-out and guaranteed to be successful.

It was, Kyoya realized during maths, too simple. He was used to more complicated plans, used to people making it difficult for him, but in Mori's case, the only obstacle was Hunny, and Kyoya had already decided he'd simply distract or bribe Hunny with sweets. In fact, the majority of his plan consisted of 'Ways to get Hunny away from Mori'. 'Ways to seduce Mori' were only a minor part of his plan - in fact, the only thing Kyoya had managed to come up with an invitation for Mori to visit him this weekend, without Hunny being there.

Still, Kyoya comforted himself, it was a good plan. It would probably work, and if it didn't, it would be easy enough to make a new one. Kyoya believed making mistakes was a valuable learning experience, which was part of why he never really objected too much to any of Tamaki's schemes. Watching other people making mistakes could provide one with valuable new knowledge, too, after all.

And so Hunny got distracted, and Mori was invited, and Kyoya left the Host Club with the familiar smug feeling of having just successfully executed a plan well-plotted.

(Unfortunately, he realized later, he had failed to consider the possibility of the twins overhearing him and jumping to the right conclusion about his intentions. He had underestimated, also, Mori's attachment to Hunny. Lastly, he had mistakenly assumed that Tamaki would be too busy mooning over Haruhi to notice anything else.)

x

Kyoya managed to greet both Hunny and Mori with a welcoming smile. The Ohtori-household was never short on cakes, so he was confident he might salvage at least a little of his plan and get a few moments alone with Mori, but clearly, it would not be as many moments as he'd hoped for.

It was only when the rest of the Host Club was herded in by about half a dozen guards that it occured to Kyoya that his plan had failed completely. Hunny was still eating his cake, while Mori sat on the couch opposite Kyoya, having finished his tea some time ago.

"Kyoya!" Tamaki burst out. "I demand an explanation!"

"What for?" Kyoya inquired, noting that Tamaki's sleeve was torn. Probably one of the dogs had not taken kindly to a stranger calling him Poochi and trying to pet him.

"You invited Hunny and Mori to tea, but not the rest of us!" Tamaki seemed near tears.

Kyoya weighed the pros and contras of pointing out that actually, he'd only invited Mori.

"Actually, he only invited Mori," Haruhi said.

Hunny dropped his fork. Mori looked unperturbed. Kyoya told himself he'd been going to say that himself anyway, and that Haruhi's mechanical pencil had sold for quite a considerable sum.

"Ah-ha!" the twins chorused.

"Kyoya?" Hunny asked, looking confused. "You ... don't like me?"

"Kyoya!" Tamaki gasped. "All these years I thought you were my friend: was that all a lie? All a pretense, a masquerade?" He sank to his knees and extended a hand to Haruhi. "Before you, you see a man betrayed, a man deceived and brought down by the intolerable cruelties of this world. Will you, in your unending kindness, not offer me comfort and consolation from this - Haruhi!"

"I'm thirsty," Haruhi said, by way of explanation, pouring herself a cup of tea. Kyoya calculated how many customer-requests he'd have to add to her debt if she broke it. "And hungry."

"This cake's really good!" Hunny beamed, previous concerns forgotten in the face of cake.

"What's the big deal anyway?" Haruhi asked, accepting the plate of cake from Hunny. "Maybe Kyoya just wanted to have a quiet conversation with Mori."

"Ah, to be young and innocent," Kaoru sighed.

"My daughter will not hear evil of her mother." Tamaki sniffled. "You!" He pointed at Kyoya. "You are unworthy of having such a loyal, dedicated daughter!"

"Haruhi is hardly my daughter," Kyoya pointed out mildly.

"Clearly, we have stumbled accross an illicit affair that has been going on for a considerable while, in the view of the offspring's age," Hikaru told Kaoru, who nodded pensively.

"Milord, you must be strong and bear this with dignity," Hikaru continued. "Your wife may have been unfaithful to you, yet we, your friends, will always be there for you."

"As does your lovely, loving daughter who needs her father," Kaoru added.

"You're right, this cake /is/ quite good," Haruhi said.

"If you'd like, I can have my cook put some of it in a box for you to take home," Kyoya offered, employing his favorite technique to deal with an unreasonable Tamaki (i.e. ignoring him). Besides, if he gave Haruhi cake, she might not make such a fuss next time he needed something of hers for an auction.

"No thanks," Haruhi replied.

"Haruhi! Don't let him bribe you with cake!" Tamaki made an attempt to pull Haruhi away from her cake, tea and Kyoya. "We're leaving!"

"Bye, Kyoya!" Hunny rose, having finished his third piece of cake a while ago.

Haruhi grimaced, put down her fork and followed Hunny. "Thanks for the tea."

"You're welcome," Kyoya answered.

x

Walking down the lane that led to the Ohtori-mansion, Tamaki suddenly got the distinct feeling there was something he'd forgotten. Something important. Something that was missing now.

"Kyoya always has great cake!" Hunny said happily.

"The tea tasted nice," Haruhi said.

"Let's go have lunch at my house!" Tamaki proposed eagerly. "My tea's much nicer than Kyoya's!"

"Milord is trying so hard," Hikaru observed.

"And gaining so little," Kaoru agreed.

"It's amusing to watch, though."

"It /is/ that."

x

"Kyoya," Mori said at last, just when Kyoya was about to conclude he had to be coming down with something and imagining things.

"Yes?" Kyoya replied. "Would you like some more tea, perhaps?"

"This friday, you used sweets to lure Mitsukuni away from me so that you could extend an invitation to me," Mori started, rising and slowly walking around the low table upon which Haruhi's half-finished plate of cake was still standing. "If you do so again, I promise you there will be consequences."

Kyoya stared up at Mori. He told himself he was not truly afraid - they were in his home, after all, and Tachibana and his team were likely nearby watching, ready to spring into action when they'd deem it necessary, or when he'd call out for them. He felt a mere frisson though, a kind of fluttery feeling in his stomach that was almost, sort of, somewhat pleasant.

"Is that a threat?" Kyoya asked.

Mori studied him for a moment, then put his hands down on the couch near Kyoya's shoulders and leaned forwards.

Kyoya made a mental note to consider the idea of selling Haruhi's half-eaten plate of cake - it would have to be done soon, naturally, but it might well prove lucrative. Maybe he'd have to put it in the freezer until he'd worked out all the details; he'd have to check with the cook if this kind of plates would withstand extremely low temperatures.

All after he'd finished his ... consideration of Mori as a possible lover, of course.

Comments

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

This is absolutely note-perfect for each character's voice. And so, so funny! I suspect Kyoya is about to get a taste of uke-dom...and won't that be a shock to his well-thought-out system!

[misura.livejournal.com]

I'm ah sure Kyoya's flexible enough to manage, although I do think Mori's one hard-to-manipulate guy (at least when you're not Hunny). I'm glad to hear you felt everyone was in-character; I was a tad nervous when my muses put in all the other members of the Host Club - I was pretty nervous about getting Kyoya and Mori right already, so putting in the whole gang seemed like begging for OOCness. ^_^;

Random lurker~

[(Anonymous)]

*_* I love how methodical Kyoya is, and how everyone is in character.

Clearly, there is not enough Kyoya/Mori fiction around which makes this doubly precious to me. Thank you for writing. ^3^

~Aisushi

Re: Random lurker~

[misura.livejournal.com]

Whee, and thank /you/ for leaving a flattering comment! I have to admit, before I snagged this prompt, I'd never considered this pairing, but writing this was a lot of fun.

[aori-tsuki.livejournal.com]

...this is so Kyoya. XDD *preens* I love this fic, yes I do.

[misura.livejournal.com]

*beams* Thank you very much! I enjoyed writing Kyoya in this a lot - though perhaps not quite as much as I enjoyed writing everyone else making a mess of his carefully planned seduction. ^_^;