The pretender (The Dark Tower, Roland/Cuthbert)

[aviss.livejournal.com]

Title: The pretender
Author: aviss
Pairing: Roland Deschain/Cuthbert Allgood
Rating: Pg-13
Prompt: comfort sex as teenagers- Forget about her for a moment; I'm here.
A/N: Late fic for the 3rd, sorry for the lateness.


The Pretender

Cuthbert has always been good at pretending.

Back home he pretended what he felt for Roland was friendship, admiration and a little bit of jealousy. Roland was, after all, the best of them.

Later he pretended he didn't hate Susan for what she meant to Roland but for her role in breaking their ka-tet apart. He pretended not to be glad she was dead.

Now he keeps on pretending--he doesn’t know what else to do. He pretends he can't see the changes in Roland, not to know who their fearless and serious leader has become hollow and dead inside. He pretends not to know Alan knows what's happening between the two of them. He pretends it doesn’t matter.

At nights he tries to be a bit ore honest, but he can't. So he maintains the pretence when he crawls inside Roland's bed roll and whispers to him, "I'm here now, you can forget about her for a moment, I'm here."

And while the rut together, finding the little solace they can in their bodies Cuthbert pretends there is love involved and not just lust and despair, he pretends it doesn’t hurt--either the physical act or Roland's mutters of her name.

In the morning, when they pack their things and leave for the next town he still pretends nothing has changed, nothing is wrong.

Because that's what Cuthbert does best.

...