Second Firsts [X | Kamui/Subaru | NC-17]
Jun. 28th, 2009 03:17 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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kinkfestTitle: Second Firsts
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
worblehat
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 855
Summary: X/1999, Kamui/Subaru: coming while thinking of someone else, or a misunderstanding/perceived distance - “Don't want to reach for me, do you?/I mean nothing to you/The little things give you away”.
A/N: Self-beta'd.
It's the fourth time they've done this. Kamui feels like he's getting used to this too quickly, and Subaru seems to want to drown further each time, into nothing besides touch and breathing and togetherness through skin. His eyes see Kamui, but at the same time, there's a tint to them - something that makes Kamui feel like he's being pushed back, someone else taking his place just before Subaru's lips meet his, warm and inviting.
It's not the way Fuma would kiss.
Kamui wishes he could think of anything else, but that thought comes to him again and again. He knows why he's doing this. He knows why he agreed - not verbally, but with an outstretched arm, pulling Subaru close during one night when he knew he should be focused on recovery. Subaru knew that, too - and maybe he hadn't expected Kamui to feel him so close, bent over and watching.
Sometimes, Kamui sees Subaru above him; and sometimes, it's dark and all he sees is a shape. The first night was all shapes, shaky movement, and pain just before Kamui's body gave and he came, Fuma's image sharp in his mind. Then the shape pulled back, and there was only Subaru, still wearing his white doctor's coat. Kamui had said "Good night" and Subaru had repeated it before turning and leaving, only briefly taking time to straighten his clothing.
This time, Subaru has left his coat behind in his room. Kamui wonders if it's because he's noticed, or if he suspects that it'll be easier to pretend he's Fuma that way. It hurts a little, because he knows it means that Subaru must be doing the same to him - thinking of that man, Seishirou. Subaru seems too gentle for the kind of man Kamui has heard about. Then again, Subaru seems too gentle to be doing something like this, with the sheets rustling above them, fingers slowly pulling out of Kamui as they switch into a different position.
"Wait, Subaru-"
"Mm?" Subaru's voice sounds sleepy, only half-there.
"... Can we turn on the light?" asks Kamui, his heart thudding hard against his chest all of a sudden. It's not like they haven't fucked before, but suddenly, it feels a little like the first time and he's nervous. He's not sure if it's because of the light, or the fact that if he says yes, Subaru will really be having sex with him, and he'll be having sex with Subaru.
"It might wake the others," says Subaru after an awkward pause.
"It might not," replies Kamui.
"... Kamui-"
"Please," he interrupts, closing his eyes. He can feel Subaru's cock at his thigh, the tip wet with precome. Stopping isn't something he wants to do, but tonight, it feels important to be able to see instead of imagining.
"Okay," says Subaru finally. He leans forward, across Kamui, and flicks on the side lamp. It's not much light, but it's enough - enough to see that it's Subaru in front of him.
"Do you want to keep going?" asks Kamui. He knows by the way Subaru looks at him that he understands the question: Are you sure it's me you want to have sex with?
The tip of Subaru's dick is already pressing inside him, the shaft stretching his entrance just a little wider. Kamui groans, still not entirely used to the feeling. His back arches and Subaru continues pushing in, thrusting shallowly, and fast. The slight discomfort quickly slips into a need for more and harder, and Kamui moans for both.
Subaru leans in, kissing him harshly - differently than before. Kamui wraps his arms around, clinging to his neck. The sounds are more desperate and finally Kamui breaks away, looking at Subaru, who's crying silently.
"Subaru-"
His whole body jolts when Subaru drives in hard, hitting a spot that makes Kamui's body twist sideways. It only takes three thrusts and he's coming, whole body warm, strength leaving as he feels the wetness pooling on his stomach.
Subaru is still moving within him, face partially hidden until just before Kamui feels him release inside, slamming in, his cock pulsing with each shot of come until he finally pulls out; arms shaking. He does up his pants, pulls the covers over Kamui; then leans forward and kisses him on the forehead.
His face is sad, though the tears are now nothing but barely-there marks of almost-white against his cheeks. He looks down, and Kamui blinks, not understanding until he speaks:
"It was always you I was having sex with," says Subaru quietly, brushing the hair away from Kamui's forehead.
The door closes and Kamui looks up at the ceiling. He knows this is the first and last time he and Subaru will ever have sex – Subaru, who has lost himself twice to Kamui: once as Fuma, and secondly as himself. Guilt gnaws at Kamui's gut and he flips on his side, come slipping wet between his thighs.
He doesn't move, staring at the wall beyond in the emptiness of the room filled with absence.
Author:
worblehatRating: NC-17
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 855
Summary: X/1999, Kamui/Subaru: coming while thinking of someone else, or a misunderstanding/perceived distance - “Don't want to reach for me, do you?/I mean nothing to you/The little things give you away”.
A/N: Self-beta'd.
It's the fourth time they've done this. Kamui feels like he's getting used to this too quickly, and Subaru seems to want to drown further each time, into nothing besides touch and breathing and togetherness through skin. His eyes see Kamui, but at the same time, there's a tint to them - something that makes Kamui feel like he's being pushed back, someone else taking his place just before Subaru's lips meet his, warm and inviting.
It's not the way Fuma would kiss.
Kamui wishes he could think of anything else, but that thought comes to him again and again. He knows why he's doing this. He knows why he agreed - not verbally, but with an outstretched arm, pulling Subaru close during one night when he knew he should be focused on recovery. Subaru knew that, too - and maybe he hadn't expected Kamui to feel him so close, bent over and watching.
Sometimes, Kamui sees Subaru above him; and sometimes, it's dark and all he sees is a shape. The first night was all shapes, shaky movement, and pain just before Kamui's body gave and he came, Fuma's image sharp in his mind. Then the shape pulled back, and there was only Subaru, still wearing his white doctor's coat. Kamui had said "Good night" and Subaru had repeated it before turning and leaving, only briefly taking time to straighten his clothing.
This time, Subaru has left his coat behind in his room. Kamui wonders if it's because he's noticed, or if he suspects that it'll be easier to pretend he's Fuma that way. It hurts a little, because he knows it means that Subaru must be doing the same to him - thinking of that man, Seishirou. Subaru seems too gentle for the kind of man Kamui has heard about. Then again, Subaru seems too gentle to be doing something like this, with the sheets rustling above them, fingers slowly pulling out of Kamui as they switch into a different position.
"Wait, Subaru-"
"Mm?" Subaru's voice sounds sleepy, only half-there.
"... Can we turn on the light?" asks Kamui, his heart thudding hard against his chest all of a sudden. It's not like they haven't fucked before, but suddenly, it feels a little like the first time and he's nervous. He's not sure if it's because of the light, or the fact that if he says yes, Subaru will really be having sex with him, and he'll be having sex with Subaru.
"It might wake the others," says Subaru after an awkward pause.
"It might not," replies Kamui.
"... Kamui-"
"Please," he interrupts, closing his eyes. He can feel Subaru's cock at his thigh, the tip wet with precome. Stopping isn't something he wants to do, but tonight, it feels important to be able to see instead of imagining.
"Okay," says Subaru finally. He leans forward, across Kamui, and flicks on the side lamp. It's not much light, but it's enough - enough to see that it's Subaru in front of him.
"Do you want to keep going?" asks Kamui. He knows by the way Subaru looks at him that he understands the question: Are you sure it's me you want to have sex with?
The tip of Subaru's dick is already pressing inside him, the shaft stretching his entrance just a little wider. Kamui groans, still not entirely used to the feeling. His back arches and Subaru continues pushing in, thrusting shallowly, and fast. The slight discomfort quickly slips into a need for more and harder, and Kamui moans for both.
Subaru leans in, kissing him harshly - differently than before. Kamui wraps his arms around, clinging to his neck. The sounds are more desperate and finally Kamui breaks away, looking at Subaru, who's crying silently.
"Subaru-"
His whole body jolts when Subaru drives in hard, hitting a spot that makes Kamui's body twist sideways. It only takes three thrusts and he's coming, whole body warm, strength leaving as he feels the wetness pooling on his stomach.
Subaru is still moving within him, face partially hidden until just before Kamui feels him release inside, slamming in, his cock pulsing with each shot of come until he finally pulls out; arms shaking. He does up his pants, pulls the covers over Kamui; then leans forward and kisses him on the forehead.
His face is sad, though the tears are now nothing but barely-there marks of almost-white against his cheeks. He looks down, and Kamui blinks, not understanding until he speaks:
"It was always you I was having sex with," says Subaru quietly, brushing the hair away from Kamui's forehead.
The door closes and Kamui looks up at the ceiling. He knows this is the first and last time he and Subaru will ever have sex – Subaru, who has lost himself twice to Kamui: once as Fuma, and secondly as himself. Guilt gnaws at Kamui's gut and he flips on his side, come slipping wet between his thighs.
He doesn't move, staring at the wall beyond in the emptiness of the room filled with absence.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-06-28 11:35 am (UTC)I love your exploration of their characters and the last sentence Subaru says.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-28 03:25 pm (UTC)Thanks! This was a lot more fun to write than I thought it would be. Happy to hear it was enjoyable.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-28 09:49 pm (UTC)It's Been a while since I've read any x fanfiction, so I enjoyed this
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Date: 2009-06-29 02:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-02 09:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-03 12:34 am (UTC)